Studies have shown that there is no marriage anywhere in the world that is void of conflict. Relationship conflict is so normal that the wise no longer see it as a problem but as a spice to the relationship. Where two or more people meet, conflict is bound to occur. There are diverse causes of relationship conflict. Some times conflict may arise because of misunderstanding due to poor communication, unfaithfulness, financial mismanagement or lack of financial accountability, inadequate emotional intimacy or comfort, intervention from third parties like in-laws, disparity in educational level of the couple, poverty/laziness, bad company, and many others.
The best way to deal with a problem is to trash it from its root. Every problem in marriage has a source and a cause. To effectively manage marriage conflict, you must begin by identifying the source of your problem. When you know the source, it helps you to quickly manage the conflict and prevent it from reoccurring again.
There are a number of ways that couples can use to effectively do away or manage conflict in marriage. Some of which are as examined below:
For you to be able to avoid conflict and enjoy your marriage, you must learn how to control your temperament. You must understand yourself and look for possible ways to deal with anger if that is your major concern. Proverbs 14:29 says “ whosoever is slow to anger has great understanding but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” . Have you being so hurt by your beloved partner up to the extend of loosing your temper? It is natural to be angry, but evil to let the anger lead you into sin (wrong doing). Ephesians 4:26 “ In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”. Anger itself is not a sin or evil because there are a lot of things that as Christian couple, you ought to be angry about. For example God was angry with Moses in Exodus 4:14. The lord also manifested controlled anger by turning over the tables of the tax collectors in (John 2:13-17).
However, if anger is not properly managed, it would lead to so much regrets. Being angry is not an excuse for not treating your partner well. Self-control is needed to effectively manage anger and minimize its consequences. Those who want to enjoy extra ordinary marital joy must learn how to deal with anger. Nothing destroys marriage or relationship more than anger. If a couple allow the sun to set while they are still angry, it would degenerate to bitterness or desire for vengeance, which could lead to more sinful thoughts and actions.
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If anger and bitterness be frequent in a relationship or marriage, it is an indication that the devil is present in that relationship and is using anger to hinder the couple from enjoying their ordained marriage. In such a case, the couple should engage serious deliverance prayers and set their relationship free.
2.Be in control of your thoughts
We at times our minds are full of so many evils thoughts especially when our partner has offended us. We begin to think of so many evil things we can do to proof a point. The only opportunity that the devil has that he can use to change your destiny to be like his own is when you are angry. When you are angry he drops so many evil things into your mind including pride. He will tell to not to accept nonsense from your partner and swell you with pride. You must not submit to him. All those in the world that have celebrated 50 years of marriage, accepted nonsense from their partners. Nonsense is part of the business. James 4:7 says “ submit yourself therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you”. Accept that your partner is the best in the world for you. If Your partner was given to you by God, then he or she is perfect. James 1:7 says “ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change”. Think positively about your partner and focus on problem solving instead of meditating on how to create problems. Your partner is not perfect and needs you to be better.
3.Be courageous in facing your challenges
When challenges come in your relation or marriage, stand firm and face it with all diligent. Instead of complaining and casting blames one each other. Some problems come as a test of faith. For you to overcme it, you need to be bold in facing it,
. For example if you see your spouse manifesting a strange behavior and perceive that such a manifestation will jeopardize your marriage or relationship, rebuke it immediately before it gets out of hand. Don’t submit to it. If possible pray and cancel it. Don’t be afraid. 2Timothy 1:7 says “ For gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self control”. The book of Matthew 18:18 also says that “ Whatsoever you permit on earth shall be permitted in heaven and whatsoever you rebuke on earth shall be rebuked in heaven”
This is an assurance that you have the ability to influence what you want to see in your relationship. There is great power in your tongue.
You can use your tongue to change negative thoughts to positive. Proverb 18:21 says “Dearth and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruits thereof”.
If you don’t use your tongue well you will suffer ignorantly. Instead of using it to curse your partner, use it to bless so that the evil character you are seeing in your partner may turn to a positive one via your positive thinking and prayer.
4.Don’t meditate over your partner’s wrongs
If you develop the habit of taking note of your partner’s mistakes and meditating on them, it would not make your relationship better but would make you more bitter about your partner. This bitterness would lead to cold war or conflict. Instead of thinking only of the wrongs of your spouse, meditate on how to make your spouse better. Two wrongs can never make a right. Ephesians 4:29 says “ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear”.
Your character alone is able to settle conflict and convert the unsaved to God. 1Peter 1-22 says “ Likewise wives , be subject to your husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” For more information see 1peter1-22 . your behavior is a conflict resolving tool.
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5.Have faith in yourself and in God
By believing that there is no problem in your marriage or relationship that you and God cannot resolve, puts you on the winning side. This mentality give you supernatural energy to violently silent any plan of the enemy to destabilize your relationship. God has empowered you with what you need to put the enemy of success in your marriage in chain. Philippians 4:13 says “ I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthen me”. Your relationship may suffer violence, but remember that it is not new. Matthew 11:12 says “ Right from the days of John the Baptist the kingdom of God suffered violence and it was taken by the violent men” All you need to enjoy your marriage is in you.
6.Be tolerant and forgiving
One of the most effective ways of resolving conflict is by being tolerant and willing to forgive at all time just to let peace rein. Ephesians 4:32 says “ Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave us”. If you forgive people of their wrong God will also forgive you of your own sins ( Matthew 6:14). In Colossian 3:13 the Bible says “ Bear with each and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the lord forgave you”. Recent studies have shown that Practicing forgiveness would not only enhance our relationships but can improve our mental and physical health.
Flattering is also a useful conflict resolution instrument. If you notice that your partner is angry with you, apply the concept of flattering. You can do this by either petting or surprising him or her with a lovely gift. If the gift is a nice one he or she would smile and the anger would go down as a dream of the night. Any mature mind will understand that such a gesture is a sign of remorse and would give peace the chance.
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A change of environment can have positive impact in our relationship. A change of environment can also precipitate a change of mind and idea. If you have a conflict with your partner and you want to resolve it, taking him or her out to a nice and comfortable place would provide a better platform for discussion. While taking a juice or a meal together, you can sort out things more conveniently. Such a gesture would make your partner feel loved and honored. As such would tend to love and cherish you the more.
The above conflict resolution strategies can work for all classes of people irrespective of your faith. Your speedy results would depend on your ability to combine wisdom and practicality.
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The Holy Bible